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Date: 04.17.2004
Author: Joan Publication: TeganAndSara[dot]Org Column: Respect and Admiration I Headline: Very Special Guests |
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Recently, it was revealed that Matt Sharp has finished recording some keys for Tegan and Sara's new album. (I hear it is set to be a concept album about the life of current Archbishop of Canterbury, N.T. Wright.) This news is pretty exciting, but you know what would be even more exciting? If I got to choose who got to be on Tegan and Sara's next album. Without further ado, here are my picks for the most thrilling guests/collaborators/producers that Tegan and Sara could ever work with. Here's the scenario: Tegan, while hard at work mixing together The Black Album and If It Was You (working title, If It Was The Jigga Man), records her own version of "99 Problems" which works its way into the hands of Mr. Z. It's so good that it forces him to come out of retirement. (It'll be like Michael Jordan coming out of retirement, except instead of everyone not caring, everyone will think it is completely cool. And no Space Jam.) The girls will provide the beats for J's final final album that will make everyone say, "The Roots who??" Tegan and Sara will then become really famous, have long entries on A List, be chased by adoring fans and then checked into rehab. Yeah, OK, they opened for him and didn't have the kindness of heart to tour anywhere near me, but I'm not bitter. (I mean, it's not like I went through the pains of gathering a large collection of Ben Folds Five import-only singles or bringing back a vinyl copy of If It Was You from my vacation when I already had it on CD or anything.) They should record an EP together, if only for my benefit. It would be hip. It would be the hippest hip. Then when Sofia Coppola walks into the room, it would form a singularity of hipness, transform into a black hole and commence to swallow North America until Justin Timberlake records another album. She's been looking a little uptight lately. All that testifiying probably took the spunk and energy out of everyone's favorite Meet The Press guest. What better way to loosen up than to spend time with those wacky Canadians, Tegan and Sara? Maybe she could come back to D.C. with hints toward a foreign policy that isn't so freakin' insane. Maybe Tegan and Sara could be made Canadian Ambassadors of Awesome. One thing is certain, C. Ri's hair can't get any worse by hanging out with them. Alison Krauss has more Grammys than I have pairs of socks. She's a workaholic. I don't think she has ever turned down a single request to do anything. I haven't gotten around to asking her to help clean my basement yet, but there's a fair chance she'd at least help move the couch. I'm sure that if Tegan and Sara asked her to produce their next album, she totally would. Everything she touches turns to gold (platinum, if you're lucky). And don't hand me that "they're not bluegrass" business, mister. I've seen those Dreadnoughts they lug around. They're one mandolin solo away from a fiddle tune. I bet they warm up with "Blackberry Blossom" before every show. No, it's not a band, it's a timpani. The timpani is the new cowbell. They make everything more dramatic and emphasize how much you are really feeling the power of the song. I feel one on the horizon for Tegan and Sara. Tegan and Sara are in their mid-20s; it's high time they went Avant-Garde for 3 months. (I'm expecting shaved heads and self portaits made out of mufflers, ladies.) Jamie Stewart maybe weird and depressed, but he's quite nice and also my secret cousin. Like the melodious tune of your mother calling you in for supper while having her fingers chewed off by physical manifestations of her personal demons (which happen to be lop eared bunnies), so would this magnificent collaboration sound. I imagine the situation would go something like this: Quentin: Look girls, you're in. Miramax wants a 3 picture deal. I'm thinking twin sisters, musicians. They also fight crime. This ends the very first edition of Respect and Admiration. I would like to thank Teganandsara.org and Bill Moyers. If you have any questions, concerns, comments, or money, please contact me via e-mail: joan[at]rapidfish[dot]org. |