Author: FISH GRIWKOWSKY
Publication: See Magazine
Headline: Disconnected Down Under - Attention, Tegan and Sara: phone home!
Well, itís been a long time coming, but Iíve officially seen the new worst way to do an interview. Before this week, it was the time-honoured tradition of an impromptu presser backstage in small-town Canada at any outdoor music fest, heavily controlled by at least six nervous handlers, eager to justify their salaries. The questions, such as they can be called, posed to C-list Star X by the good journalists of places like Flin Flon and Horseville, range from, "So how do you like it here," (the "here" being a dirt field by the highway, full of high/drunk kids) to "Whatís the best thing about being YOU?" (Such queries, to be fair, are usually put even more inanely.)
Anyway, for the curious, the NEW worst way to do an interview is by sending your conversational, emailed questions to one record rep, who passes it along to another, who then relays the Qís over the phone to the artist, taking notes for you, sending the limp, wet mess back. And the reason youíre being asked to endure such a personal story is to illustrate, if nothing else, that Tegan and Sara donít seem to warrant a long-distance calling card.
Yes, Tegan and Sara are back Sunday at Dinwoodie; or, as a friend put it, "Donít they just live in the back room?" Ah, but letís not be so cynical. Supply indicates demand, after all, so letís get to it. Besides some poor translation, it didnít turn out totally horribly, actually...
FISH: What the hell are you doing in Australia? No, I mean, what are you really doing, besides touring?
SARA, THROUGH A TRANSLATOR: Well, really Tegan is doing research for school. You know she is becoming a vet (kidding), plus koalas and kangaroos are a very supportive audience. Gotta pay the rent, you know.
FISH: Whatís the most annoying thing about Down Under?
SARA: That it isnít closer to Canada, or weíd tour there much more. The 15-hour flight fucks you up!!
FISH: Youíre playing in Edmonton to a bunch of new university students, which means one thing: alcohol poisoning. Do you have any scholastic advice for them?
SARA: Wear full body condoms at all times!!
FISH: Seeing as this is an email interview, I canít really riff off with you guys and have an actual conversation. So letís pretend we were already talking about how different styles of music have different kinds of videos. What sorts of videos, by genre, make you laugh the most? And what specifically does it?
SARA: I like most of the Radiohead videos, if I was a boy Iíd take myself that serious, too.
FISH: Have you guys watched Mr. Show? They do a pretty good country parody in a segment where America decides to blow up the moon.
SARA: No idea. Management doesnít allow this type of activity. Tegan is very susceptible to tears from even the most simple TV images.
FISH: Interesting. OK, enough fake dialogue. Winterís coming, are you going to hole up and write some new songs? Will any of them be about love?
SARA: Ha, Ha. Iím going to buy a new parka and then set out writing love songs about it...
FISH: Have you climbed on top of anything really tall to get that much closer to Mars?
SARA: I climbed our bass player Chris Carlson.
So there you have it: an exercise in trans-continental disconnection. May it never happen again. Peace.